Pain is like Time, without it we would not know what to value. It’s both a terrible curse and a helpful ally and most of all, it is reality. I’m sure many people would love to have a life free of pain like most people would love infinite time. However, pain has a purpose- it allows us to learn more about ourselves and pushes us to work towards things that bring us joy and ultimately allows us to enjoy the joy even more.
People have told me that I am one of the happiest people they know. In general, I think live a pretty good life. However, it wasn’t always this way. I’ve had my fair share of difficulties ranging from parents leaving to another country and having to fend for myself through high school and college, suddenly losing my first love to a tragic car accident while in college, and going through so much social pain that I could no longer feel emotions for over 2 years, and more recently getting divorced and having to start my life over again at 35. I’ve had my fair share of pain and yet it is because of this that I am able to be happy.
For me, these pains in my life have showed me how difficult life can be. It’s been like a hole I’ve had to climb out of. It was difficult and challenging and at times felt like an impossible battle. However, through the experience of it, I carry a perspective that allows me to appreciate what I have now. Most of the time, I can see that my problems are 1st world problems and in a way, a luxury to have. I don’t worry about my physical safety, I don’t worry about being cold, I don’t worry about feeding myself. My biggest mental task is how to live my purpose to a greater extent. That is a luxury beyond belief.
Pain is not only a tool for perspective, it is also a tool for self-discovery. Emotional and mental pain give us the opportunity for better self-understanding. These kinds of pains are indicators that an event we just experienced runs counter to certain values we have. Heartache for example, can be an indication of how much we value connection. Disappointment can be an indication of how much something means to us. Given this context, we can use pain as a tool for outlining our values and hence create a life in accordance with these values.
One of the biggest problems I see with people is that they don’t know who they are and aren’t clear on what they want. If you don’t know who you are and what you want, you will most likely live with regret unless you get lucky. I believe you are here for a purpose and living that purpose is the greatest joy you will experience. Pain, like joy, is a bread crumb you can follow to know yourself better and that knowledge can allow you to design your life in accordance with that which matters most to you. Life is not all fun and games, it is also sorrow and pain. That sorrow and pain can be your greatest tool in your search for meaning and purpose and through that- fulfillment.